God, it's so annoying. The way they talk, the way they walk, the way they dress up... It all makes me sick. Sick of them, sick of this. They're all so fake.
But whom am I to judge them? I got a feeling that I'm the one carrying the mask. I never show any of them my true intentions, I never slip up and tell them. It's safe, carrying that mask. Hiding the feelings I don't want to show any of them, hiding my true self. I haven't met anyone that have seen through that mask yet. Those I think are able to do it, I avoid. Because it's easier this way. Easier than telling others. Crying, smiling... It doesn't matter to me. As long as I am able to exist the way I do, I'm content.
But whom am I? What is my mask and what is myself? If I ask others, they will define me as they see me. But they cannot see the mask. Sometimes, I belive that I, myself cannot see that mask. I fear it. Fear losing myself, losing my emotions. Yet, I think emotions are unnecessary. I don't even like half of them. But not being able to feel anything... Yes, that is my nightmare. Indifference is scary, yet I am able to pretend that this is the way I see the world. Will others hate me for it? Will other betray me if they know? I don't know. I don't know anything, anymore.
I will just continue dreaming about that one time when I will truly be free. If I can ever make that happen.
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Jeg vet. Forvirrende. Men fint likevel. Jeg trenger ikke utdype meg, dere kan tenke selv. x]