Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Janey I Johnson » 25 Apr 2010 21:55

What goes around comes around.

Ænniwæis, det eg ville seie var at eg likar å lese det du skriv, fordi eg synst du er veldig flink til å setje ord på tankane hans, og du viser usikkerheit godt. Ja, også er du utruleg flink til å skrive levande.
Hennes navn det e Helle, hun kjører på vei og gater.
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Eàmané Wesenberg » 25 Apr 2010 21:58

Sure. Det er ikke så mye handlig i det du skriver, men det var antagelig ikke meningen heller. God skildring av tanker, bra øvelse.
Bilde

Hello, my name is Kami
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Sine Metu » 25 Apr 2010 22:00

Vel, det er vel det som skildrer Sine generelt. Lite handling. xD

Jeg prøver å få frem stemningen mest mulig, og det er alltid gøy å skrive tankeskildringer. x]
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Robyn Ayabie » 28 Apr 2010 22:36

Ærlig talt, nil, ikke klikk nå, jeg vet du tar det meste offensivt som faen, men det er FLAUT å se deg diskutere med andre mennesker, du har aldri noen argumenter som er saklige overhodet, og hvis du ikke har en mening eller ytring eller NOE Å begrunne meningen din med, annet enn tull, så er det bare bortkasting av tid å kommentere her overhodet, siden det utelukkende får deg til å se dum ut.
Og curr, jeg liker fremdeles det forrige kapittelet. eller hva jeg nå skal kalle det. Bare for å få denne til å være LITT mer saklig i forhold til tråden.
You go to the dentist and they're like «you need your leg amputated»!
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Sine Metu » 18 Mai 2010 21:21

Okei. Nå skriver jeg en sånn wannabe-novellesak. Som ikke handler om Sine. o__o omg.

Striking a deal with the devil.

It was quite nice weather. You would expect that it was stormy or at least somewhat dramatic in situations like this, but it wasn't. Quite disappointing, actually. Right now, Ann was having a cup of tea while watching her sister slowly die. It seemed like yesterday that Eva, her sister, had told her that she had cancer, that it was too late, and that the only thing they could hope for was a miracle. Well, she didn't explain it so simple, but Ann had never bothered with details, so why start now?
Ann was actually happy her sister had no hope. Eva was pretty with her long, golden locks and large blue eyes, and she had continued to stay like that for a long time. Even now, you could see she was a beauty. Chemotherapy would have ruined her. Eva had always been fragile like a small flower, if you were to use silly little descriptions like that. But just using flower to describe her wouldn't cover how beautiful Eva was at all. If you were going to describe her passionately, you would compare her to the sun. She had a shining personality and good looks. Everything Ann did not have. Ann, herself, was a small woman, with broad shoulders, uneven skin and messy hair. Her sister had gotten it all, but Ann didn't hate her sister for it. It simply happened, and fate made sure of that. Eva coughed, and Ann snapped out of her thinking. "Eva, are you allright dear? You haven't touched your tea." She sent her a small smile, one of those smiles you send to someone out of courtesy and not because you are enjoying yourself. "I... Think you should go get mother." The weak voice her sister had, almost made Ann wince. It was so unlike her. Eva had always put on a strong front, even after discovering the cancer. "Of course, Eva. I'll get her in a moment."

Two days later, they were watching over Eva constantly. Ann knew Evas time were almost over, yet she pretended this was only a mere act. The realisation hit her, as her mother yelled. Eva would be gone. Her light would no longer shine on others, no longer shine on herself. Eva was dying, and the only thing she could do was to stand and watch. No. She couldn't do it. She couldn't watch her sister die, not in front of her own eyes. She would not stand there and see the light disappear from Eva's eyes. So she stayed put.

They called it a miracle that Eva survived. Percentages of something went up, Ann didn't bother with the details. She had gotten a reprimand from their mother because she never came to Eva's room, but all was good now. Eva would continue to spread her light to other people, and because of that, she was happy. "Thank you for the tea, but I have to go. I got some sudden business with someone, and he would be terrible mad if I were to be late. Goodbye, my sister."

Ann was hit by a bus the moment she stepped out in the street, in front of the hospital. Striking a deal with the devil was always expensive. But in this case, it was worth it.


Bleeh, den suger maling og jeg er klar over det. Dette er førsteutkastet, og jeg er klar at Ann er sånn total "OMGZ MY SISTAH IS PURRRFECT" men who gives a flying fuuu.. yeah. Den har romstert i hodet mitt lenge, så det var godt å få den ut.
Ikke trykk her. Jeg advarte deg, altså.
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Marth Akamatsu » 18 Mai 2010 22:43

Oklol, tilgi om jeg pirker litt mye, men jeg er... vel, ekstremt pirkete. xD Og mye av det er liksom... kanskje ikke grammatisk rett, men litt sånn.. jeg føler. Kinda. Ting jeg selv ville gjort om (om jeg husket det, selvsagt) om jeg hadde skrevet teksten selv, liksom. :3

Daìn skrev:Well, some might, but well, nobody even saw this coming. I think.

Jeg føler i alle fall at "even" ble litt smør på flesk. Men dette er jo, som sagt før, bare noe jeg føler. xD

Daìn skrev:She got nice soft skin, her eyes were... interesting.

Tror det skal være "she's got". Men atm ble jeg litt usikker. e__e" Apropos det; personlig ville jeg skrevet dette i fortid, på en måte, litt mer "she had nice soft skin", for å understreke at han ser tilbake. Også en ting til, komma mellom "nice" og "soft". Oppramsing. Tror jeg. Eh. Og i så fall også kanskje "and" før "her eyes".

Daìn skrev:afterall.

+ Mellomrom. After all.

Daìn skrev:Annoying like Robyn is when she is worried about me.

Selv ville jeg satt komma, for når jeg leser setningen, føles det litt... vel, for å bruke en av (u)vanene mine, oversetter jeg til norsk for å få det understreket. Det føles litt "Irriterende som Robyn er når hun er bekymret for meg" (elno), og selv ville jeg satt komma der. Etter ""annoying", altså. Spesielt i denne sammenhengen, når det er "If she knew everything, she would be annoying. Annoying like Robyn is when she is worried about me.", så føler jeg selv at det blir litt mer... virkningsfullt med et komma der. En liten pause for å understreke, liksom.
(Men jeg pleier få feil fordi jeg bruker litt for mange komma, sååå. XD)

Daìn skrev:Not in that way, off course, but still.

Enkel F, bare.

Ellers bare sadjsajfx digger jeg skrivestilen din. Jeg elsker tekster hvor det ikke trenger skje så mye. Tanker er mye viktigere, syns jeg. Og det er interessant å komme litt innpå folk. Og du fanger Sine så bra, som flere har skrevet før; forvirringen, den litt undertrengte ensomheten - alt. Det er enkelt og greit, men likevel interessant og... vel, catchy. Keep up the good work. ^___^ I morra skal jeg lese den nyeste, rekker ikke nå. D:
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Sine Metu » 19 Mai 2010 08:19

Marfu, jeg elsker deg. n__n Tror det er likegreit at du er pirkete, imed at jeg har engelskeksamen neste onsdag. xDD
Ikke trykk her. Jeg advarte deg, altså.
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Twiggy Watcliff » 19 Mai 2010 13:52

Følger litt i fotsporene til Marthie, og bare pirker litt på en setning, siden Marth kinda tok det jeg hadde tenkt å pirke på.
Daìn skrev:It was quite nice weather.

Jeg tror ikke det er sånn veldig feil, men det hørtes bare litt unaturlig i hodet mitt. Vanligvis ville man sagt "The weather was quite nice" eller noe sånt.

Vel. Jeg syns novellen i seg selv var veldig trist. Fint skrevet og sånn, men jeg blir trist når historien er trist. EN ting som ødela feelingen litt var jo det at det var et førsteutkast, og... Det syntes liksom at det var det. Forhastet og veldig krappe overganger. MEEEEN det var jo førsteutkast. Og det var et FINT førsteutkast.
Livet er som en eske konfekt, som Forest Gump sier. Ikke fordi du ikke vet hva du får, men fordi 80 % av det smaker dritt.
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Maiken Mackoy » 24 Mai 2010 04:03

Må bare si det mens det er friskt i minnet og jeg leser vodere og finner ut at det ikke er sånn. JEG HADDE EN GAMMEL , DØV KOMMENTATOR STEMME I HIDET HELE TIDEN JEG LESTE. No offnce, men første avsnitt hørtes i hodet mitt ut som et britisk dokumentar om seler. Det ble liksom litt sånn pga oppbyggingen, men fy faen det var gøy xD kk kl er fire om morgen og jeg burde sove. Leser resten i morra
- Maiken Mackoy, Lucas Buller, Mats Buller. (Anine Dorthea Evangelyn & Marìka Gossi Pleug)
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Re: Random skrivegreier for Sinus, lulz

Innlegg Sine Metu » 17 Aug 2010 14:30

Random skriveting som jeg skrev kun for å skrive.

Hello. My name is Josh. Josh as in Joshua, not "yosh yosh" like all those crazy, wannabe-japanese girls out there say before they suddenly run off and scream "kawaii kawaii!"

So yeah. I'm Josh. I would describe myself as pretty normal with brown hair, blue eyes and white skin. I wear... well, normal clothes. I don't fall into a category, but people tend to try put me in one.. "Ohmygosh, Josh! You're like... so gothic!"Okaay... I'm wearing a black sweater and jeans today. Big deal? Oh well, it's not like I care about things like that. Jayden, one of the few friends I actually have, always tell me that it is that attitude that makes me so unpopular with the girls. I usually give him a blank stare. I'm actually quite surprised that he wants to hang with me. He's one of the more popular guys ("Oh my gosh, Josh! He's like so dreamy, he got such warm eyes!") but luckily, Jayden isn't a asshole. He knows that I'm not a peopleperson, and accept that. I try to be somewhat nice to him sometimes and join him to a party, but mostly I'm just sitting in a corner avoiding drunk girls who tells me that "Joshhhhua, mate, yarrr just my type o' boy, didya know that?"

Now, over to the most important part; I'm straight. Not gay. Most of you would think that I'm gay just because I avoid the girls, am I right? Well, it just happens that I'm a picky guy. I don't date stupid, brainless girls. Not bookworms either, but intelligent girls which happens to be good looking. Too bad there are too few of them around. So that's it. I'm not gay. I don't want to put my thingie into Jaydens you-know-what, and frankly, I'm sick of these accusations of me being gay. I mean, I got nothing against gay people, my big brother is gay and I don't care as long as he doesn't fuck them in my bed. (that actually happened once. I still got nightmares of, well you know. Seeing your brother bang someone isn't exactly fun, y'know.) But I don't have to be gay just because I'm not a manwhore.

Well. I think I've said the important parts now. So... Who are you?


Random greie, egentlig. Skrev kun for å skrive. x]
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